I once asked my husband hypothetically what he would do i cheated once and regretted it and he told me he would leave on the spot. Allah allows men to have four wives but only one condition that is to treat each wives equally if not fear Allah. Hadia Ali is a 27 years old Pakistani Muslim woman, born and bred in Norway. To avoid the punishment due to cheating, these are some things that Muslim can do: These are some helpfulWays to Make a Relationship Work after Cheatingwhich can also save a marriage. I can never tell him but my guilt is making it hard for me to feel happiness. What in your mind made this 'transaction' worthwhile? She has obtained her bachelor's degree in Sociology from Norway. How can I be a better Muslim? By now, Muslim must realize that cheating will cause heavy punishment to them. 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Otherwise, he is unlikely to feel committed and secure in the marriage moving forward, let alone work on things with you in a productive manner. May Allah protect us from lies, deception and oppression. Schedule sex. I knew my family wouldnt approve of our marriage, but I was weak. Maintaining a relationship in marriage requires a lot of sacrifice. How long has this been going on? Honestly stuck at the hip (by choice). Views : You want a time when you are rested. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Copyright 2022 MuslimMatters: Because Muslims Matter. I have keep the status quo. Create an account, If you do not have an account, you can click the button below to create one, Create new account New articles are added every week. How you two look to the outside world is irrelevant. I shared my body measurements with a guy online. I'm not sure I believe you didn't cheat for your gain and benefitbut Allahu alem, I guess. By clicking Accept, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies. Help us get to 900 supporters this month. Give affections to the significant other. He now promised he wont get in contact with her and that he has ended it, but in my heart there is so much hurt and at times I cry and get depressed and feel like I am not enough for him. I simply gave you some food for thought. My husband embraced Islam in 1990 and married me. The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. It does not store any personal data. 2. Used, manipulated, gaslighted, and then left by a man, Im happily married but I keep checking out other women. Cheating has bigger consequences when it happens between married couples. You do not have to tell your husband that you had an affair, especially if (1) you have repented to Allah and feel ashamed and have committed to never doing it again and (2) it will inhibit the chances you have to work on your marriage with your husband. I leave it for you to add more examples of cheating in buying and selling that may cross your mind. No one does this except one who is ignoble and does not care about his soul, so he causes it to indulge in that which will cause its doom and destruction. Source: Find one time in your week that you can definitely do the deedWednesday at 10 p.m., 30 minutes after the kids get to bedand make sure it's a regular date. The arbitrator-ideally a mufti-would decide whether or not there are grounds to enact a divorce without your husband's concept on the mere basis of what he has done. To this: As the years went on she became bolder, rebellious and more defiant despite learning Qur'an and Hadith everyday. Going back to your husband without telling him of your affair: The reasons why you had an affair are truly known only to you and Allah sister. I wanted to be noticed just for a moment. If you disclose your cheating to him, not only may he leave you but it will also cause him much (emotional and physical) pain, shock, and trauma. 2. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/robert-c-jameson/how-to-confront-a-cheating-spouse_b_4534619.html, Two Ayats To Be Mindful of During Ramadan. It doesnt work if both are not genuinely committed to reconcile for the sake of Allah. believers) might live after a clear evidence, [al-Anaam 8:42 interpretation of the meaning]. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics". How did you get caught? Will you sell it for five hundred dirhams? He kept increasing it by one hundred each time, with the owner agreeing and Jareer saying, Your horse is worth more than that, until he reached eight hundred, for which price he bought it. The Prophet of Allaah Shuayb warned his people against reducing the value of peoples property and cheating in weights and measures, as Allaah has told us in the Quraan. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. What went wrong with us? Examples of that include: How often this happens nowadays in the marketplaces of the Muslims! Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. My wife cheated on me twice for which I caught her but don't know how many times she were doing this to me in this 20 years of marriage life. What we believe is right for us is not always right. I feel so betrayed and heartbroken. I wanted to be noticed just for a moment. Answer: As-Salaam 'Alaikum sister,. This can also serve as a way to avoid wrongful accusations by the neighbours. 2-Some fathers and guardians of women show the suitor the daughter who is beautiful, then on the wedding night he finds out that he has been given a different daughter who is ugly, but he has no choice but to accept the situation. But before you make any decision, never forget to seek Allahs help by praying theistikhara prayer. //]]>, Join our e-mail list for regular site news and updates, All Rights Reserved for Islam Q&A 1997-2023, Questions cannot be asked through this form. Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. 3- Don't let many people know about what your husband is doing. You may discover that this soul shattering event is the reboot you needed to develop a healthier and more mature approach to relationships. What is the attitude of Islam towards this phenomenon? Thus, you must be certain that you are doing what is best for your faith and children and not what is most pleasing to your passions. They have not benefited from having a child, and they have made the child lose his share in this world and in the Hereafter. Required fields are marked *. Al-Kafawi said: cheating causes blackness of the heart and frowning on the face, hence this word (ghish = cheating or deceit) is also used (in Arabic) to refer to hatred or enmity. Do not just follow your heart but think with your head. There is no right or wrong way to do this, or any written rules, but I found these recommendations to be helpful: 1. So I was just your average woman who acknowledged Allah and was thankful, and participated in Ramadan for the past 14 years etc. Is intimacy missing from your life? Cheating on my husband has helped me understand his need for variety in sex. Does Islam allow this? If you think you cant be happy with your husband, then I suggest that you sit down with your parents and talk properly with them about it first. 7-Another kind of cheating is when some people praise the suitor before the people whose daughter he wishes to marry, speaking of him in the highest terms and describing him as one who prays and is righteous, even though this suitor does not even know the way to the mosque. You will lose him for good once you tell him the truth. To live out a fantasy makes us feel alive. Cheating only causes hurt and suffering because its the cruel act of betraying the person who loves you. Other uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet. A person who cheats often display constant lying which can be observed through their behaviours. Allah commands us to only confess to Him over our sins. Her most recent research publications include: A Systematic Research Synthesis of Various Adaptive Strategies Utilized by Dual-Income Couples, and The Assessment of Marital Adjustment with Muslim Populations: A Reliability study of the Locke-Wallace Marital Adjustment Test when administered to the Muslim Population. If she repented to Allah and adhered to righteousness, it is better to retain your marriage; please, refer . And he said concerning that, I gave my oath of allegiance (bayah) to the Messenger of Allaah SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) that I would be sincere towards every Muslim., It was narrated that Maqal ibn Yassaar al-Muzani (may Allaah be pleased with him) said during his final illness: I heard the Messenger of Allaah SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: There is no person whom Allaah has put in a position of authority and he dies on the day he dies cheating those under his authority, but Allaah will forbid Paradise for him. This was narrated by al-Bukhaari and Muslim; this version was narrated by Muslim. 4-Some fathers and guardians of women, if the suitor asks to see the woman which is permissible so long as the conditions stipulated in Islam are met give him permission to do so after they fill her face will all kinds of colours and dyes, i.e. I repent for it, I regret everything I have done, I am and always have been madly in love with my husband, we are so happy and perfect together Allah. https://aboutislam.net/family-life/husbands-wives/getting-divorce-five-things-consider/, https://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-the-scholar/family/valid-reasons-for-divorce-in-islam/, https://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-the-counselor/extramarital-affairs/cant-forgive-wife-cheated/. D you have affair to prove you are still very attractive. Islam Q&A. If you're looking for comfort here just by telling your story, you're not going to get it. I feel incredibly hurt & betrayed and humiliated! 3. it was purely for the other person I mean, you are the one who's cheated, so a victim, you are definitely not. I regret it so so much. In answer to. Want to marry a revert but family wont accept.. My husband and his previous partner recited Kalma Nikah to remove Zina!, I wish to leave my cheating husband and take the children with me. If both of you decide to work through this, in time, you might view this traumatic even as a wake-up call. https://qa.islam.com/s/0aga0v/will_i_ever_be_forgiven/comments/43axrj#c_43axrj. You've done your best and fulfilled your responsibilities, if your husband can't see that, or in this case, won't see that, and is busy with this other woman, then he can go live with her. This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply. sometimes i wish i didnt exist - is this haram? But it is. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. Cheating is cheating whether you got any satisfaction from it or not. A married working mother with a husband who was barely around . Do not forget to establish a support system for you and your child, including family therapy and, finally, I highly recommend reading the book After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner has been Unfaithful by Janis Abrahms Spring, PhD. In essence on the count of three, I invite the two of you to step into the center of the ring, remove your boxing gloves and join hands. 1, In terms of regaining trust, it must be earned, and not with verbal reassurances alone, but with specific changes in behavior. 1 Your husband will have to demonstrate though bold, concrete actions that he is committed to you and that you are safe with him. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. Completely forget whatever you did. People get weary, exhausted and hungry if you go too long and things can escalate and become extremely ugly. The Prophet SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) passed by a pile of food and put his hand into it, and his fingers touched something wet. Disclaimer:The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. Try not to disrupt their usual routine during this time so as not to affect them as a result. Its the consequence that a wife or a husband must accept. The man you had an affair with probably has the qualities you are looking for in a husband, but you need to ask yourself: Can my actual husband become more like him?, Am I having an affair because it is easier to find someone else than to work on what I have?. Offer a lot of du`a (supplication) for him to be guided and set straight, for the best weapon of the believer is du`a. If you and your new partner try to make things right and fear Allah in your dealings, then it is possible to be successful and maybe it is what is best for you. Afshanas research interests include exploring the challenges faced by Muslims in the American society, issues with acculturation and assimilation, raising children, incorporating the use of spirituality in family therapy, and most importantly formatting traditional therapy in ways that will be appealing to those who belong to collectivistic cultures in addition to those who view therapy as shameful.
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